I felt
a little obvious staring from my corner table in the coffee shop as I watched
her propping up colorful books, full of secret treasures and colorful notes.
Standing them up on their ends, stacking them on top of each other, angling them
just right in the light, she took photographs, yet another way to document her
journey. Finally, I couldn't help myself. I had to tell her how brilliant I
thought her idea was. She generously shared with me her plans to host a blog all about journaling. She wanted to help other people learn to how to express
themselves in colorful and dynamic ways.
I was
inspired and it made me think of my history with journaling. I've kept journal
since I was nine years old, not always consistently or with detail, but
nonetheless I've been keeping a steady stream of information about my life
committed to paper. My journals swarm with all the emotions and things unsaid
that a child struggles with as she grows into an adult. I recently went back
and read through all of my journals as preparation for the book I'm writing on
self-care. It was a pretty big undertaking, sucking up several days (actually
weeks if I want to be honest) and involved me dutifully trying to dissect the
pieces of “me” from the reactions I had to people trying to mold me.
And as
a disabled kid, I had a lot of people trying to mold me! There were daily doses
of adult expectations on how my body should be moving, what it should look
like, plus the heavy expectations that if my body wasn’t going to be “normal”
then my mind would have to make up for it. Everything seemed like a big test on
whether or not I would “succeed in life”. As a kid this term, "succeed in
life" seemed more like a thinly veiled threat adults would throw at me
when I wasn't doing what they wanted. As I grew up this term evolved into more
of a test whose outcome would determine how happy I would be as an adult. It
was a struggle, and you think that that would be most of what I wrote about,
but that would be wrong. I laughed as I went through journal after journal in
my early preteen years that mostly centered around boys.
It's
interesting to go back and read what made an impression on you, what your real
feelings were about certain events in your life. Journaling is a type of
documenting, for me I write because I have to write. It's often how I process
to understand the truth below my reactions and feelings. However it wasn't
until recently, inspired by another friend of mine Rachel, that I started
making my journals something beautiful, creative and expressive. Now getting a
new journal even if it's going to be filled with everything from the trivial to
the prophetic enjoys a process of exploration that includes a collage of
pictures, words and colors. I think it reflects what I've learned now as an
adult about "succeeding in life". I have learned that success is more
about being true to my heart, having courage to take the big risks, and doing my
best to ignore what everyone else thinks about that.
Current collaged journal |
(Living Simply Note: Buy an old or "boring" journal for cheap and decorate for class and flair!)
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